She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
