I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
