when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
