My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
