I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
