piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
