The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
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there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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