I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
