Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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