Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize