last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
