oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Green mimosas i think yes
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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