I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
