i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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