Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Small penises have feelings too.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
