I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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