Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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