please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
