I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
