Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
