watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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