My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pants are for mortals
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize