Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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