and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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