we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
