just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
