I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
