It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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