Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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