i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
