TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
