so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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