i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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