I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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