Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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