Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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