Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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