I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
