I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
