You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
