I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
