I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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