Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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