u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
