i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
