hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
