you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
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I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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