oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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