i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I died a long time ago.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
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