Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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