Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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