it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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