You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
