youre lurking in front of me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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