Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
