I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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