Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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