Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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