apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
